When you prepare to become a mother, you hear a LOT about breastfeeding. You get rather inundated with information. Of course, if you know me, you know what my choice was (proudly, exclusively breastfeeding!), but what you may not know is that I understand why women make the choices they make — either choice. I wanted to have a frank conversation about breastfeeding in all its glory, to explain why making the choice to breastfeed is a hard one, and why making the choice to formula feed is hard as well. Let me explain:

Pros and cons of breastfeeding

Pro: It’s better for baby. No one can possibly dispute at this point that breast milk is best for your baby. Along with the benefits to baby’s immune system, the bonding experience that breastfeeding provides, and the reduced probability of baby developing allergies later in life, breast milk’s incredible adaptability makes it ideal for your child. It adapts to your baby’s needs, miraculously, through the mother-child bond. Baby needs protein? Milk will adjust to be more protein-rich. Baby is slightly dehydrated? Milk will be thin and watery to satisfy the need for water. Also, we now know that cow’s milk is not ideal for small humans, and can cause lactose intolerance. I would continue, but chances are you already know must of the health benefits.

Con: It’s complicated! I was prepared for possible latch issues or supply issues, but no one told me that breastfeeding is confusing. I wish that the hospital would leave you with a book on breastfeeding step by step. (Of course they can’t because there aren’t any hard and fast rules as to how much and how often to feed every baby). Formula-fed babies receive a measured amount of food that is adjusted as they grow. With your breastfed baby, you have really no idea how much baby is eating. Pumping is not an accurate guide because babies are very effective and can eat up to 1 oz. more than a pump would be able to get. As my son was in NICU at 4 days old with jaundice, I definitely know the dangers of an under-fed baby, and I know what it feels like to worry about this. Also: which cries signal hunger and which are just a need for snuggling or attention? Did I feed him too much now? It’s very difficult. I recommend seeing a trained lactation consultant and having your baby weighed before and after you feed him so that you get an idea of how much he’s eating. Otherwise, it’s a guessing game, which makes a lot of moms feel insecure. As long as baby is growing and making the appropriate amount of wet and dirty diapers* in the first weeks, you can be reasonably sure she is getting enough to eat — but it’s still nerve wracking.

Pro: It’s easy to pack and plan. Breastfeeding moms have one less item to worry about when they leave the house. There is never a fear that I didn’t pack enough for my hungry boy to eat. It’s always ready to go and at the correct temperature.

Con: The public feeding issue.  I am not comfortable feeding Jacob just anywhere — I support moms who do, but for me, it’s just not comfortable. I would not feel strange to grab a bottle from my bag and feed him, but I need to be in a specific setting to feed my guy when we are out and about. Of course, my fall back is always my car. 🙂

Pro: Dishes! There are no dishes to wash! No bottles, caps, bottle brushes, nipples…nothing extra.

Con: Don’t you just want your body back? After 10 months of playing host organism to your baby, you may just be craving autonomy. While breastfeeding is not nearly as constrictive as pregnancy, you still have quite a few things to consider, notably, drinking. You can consume alcohol if you have 6 hours for the alcohol to work its way out of your body…mothers of newborns know that is not very possible for a while. Also, there could be a “feeding emergency” and you would hate to be unable to feed your baby — at least that’s my thought process. It doesn’t seem worth it. Same with medications, foods (like spicy hot sauce — and pretty much everything with a new baby). You’re still living as though you were feeding baby in utero in terms of chemicals and risky foods. [Don’t worry, you can eat blue cheese!]

Pro: $$$$$$$ Formula costs, on average, $100 per month. This changes with the amount your child eats as they age of course. Conservatively, we can estimate that a formula-fed baby will consume $1,200 in formula in their first year of life. [Taking growth and formula increase into account along with the introduction of solids and gradual weaning off of formula altogether.] That is the bare minimum for powdered formula. I did not count nursery water for those who use powdered varieties. Also, many parents choose pricier (and supposedly safer) liquid/pre-mixed formula. Formula costs about $0.10 per ounce (but can cost up to twice that). If I can feed this guy myself for one year, I can save $1,200. That’s a lot of diapers!

Pro: It’s better for moms. Breastfeeding has significant advantages for mothers. First and foremost, the hormone oxytocin is released to stimulate milk production. Side effects of oxytocin include feelings of security and love. Doesn’t that sound great? Breastfeeding releases this hormone to help mothers bond with their infants — in fact, a great amount of oxytocin is released at birth (in the mother) to help her bond with her new baby instantly. It’s the biological drive to love your child. Also calories and weight loss post baby: breastfeeding burns about 600 calories a day! 600!

Neutral**: Clogged ducts, mastitis, and thrush. Every woman fears mastitis, and I can tell you from experience that it’s awful. Mastitis is an infection of the breast, caused by a clogged duct or oversupply/not emptying the breast when needed. A clogged duct can occur without ever leading to mastitis. It sounds like what it is, and needs to be worked out by hand (ouch!) with a warm compress. Mastitis requires antibiotics, and causes fever and extreme fatigue. It can also cause red streaks on the skin (as can any infection) and a feeling of warmth on the breast. Other risk factors for clogged ducts and mastitis are underwire, ill-fitting (too tight) bras, or pressure against the breast, such as from incorrect pumping technique, preventing one area of ducts from emptying. Oversupply can occur from pumping frequently in addition to nursing, causing clogged ducts and/or mastitis. This can also occur during weaning, when the mother is trying to reduce her milk supply based on a lack of demand on the part of the baby. Thrush is a yeast (fungal) infection of the nipple and/or baby’s mouth. Yeast bacteria thrive in moisture and warmth, making the activity of breastfeeding a target for them. It can be prevented by maintaining a dry breast surface, and its treatment involves an anti fungal product (most likely a prescription).

Obviously the whole baby experience is one of sacrifice and change. Your life changes, so the inconveniences of the above have to be considered in terms of your new life, not the old one you had before baby. Also, while I think you should give enormous credit to moms that have chosen to breastfeed, you should also be understanding of the difficulties and reasons that mothers choose not to. This isn’t even taking into account the number of things that can go wrong — like the baby not latching, mother not making enough milk, and many more issues (fore milk-hindmilk imbalance, aggressive letdown, excess lipase for pumping moms, etc…). The emotional strain of trying to breastfeed and being unable to do so can be really difficult for women, and the added pressure of having outsiders constantly commenting on your choice would only add to the feelings of guilt and inadequacy.  Motherhood is hard! Please trust that we are all doing the best we can.

I give a lot of credit to women who do follow through with breastfeeding, because I now know firsthand how much work and sacrifice it is. Another year of your life will pass by in which your body is still not your own. I really give credit to mothers who return to work and pump! At least the most wonderful benefit of breastfeeding is the time you get with your delicious infant. To spend that time with a noisy machine and some plastic tubes…not the same. Plus, pumping requires the same bottle washing as formula feeding, so it’s a lot of work. Pumping moms are amazingly selfless to do all of that for the sake of their child’s health. They are heroes in my book!

My feeling on the breastfeeding issue is that it, like so many other things, is intensely personal. It’s a decision that you have to make for yourself, after weighing the pros and cons. Some of the pros and cons above are weighted more heavily for specific mothers based on their specific situations. In the end, we all have to live with our own decisions, and nothing that any outsider can say will change that — it will probably just make her feel badly about herself. Trust me when I tell you that, as a mother, we all want the best for our children, and the decision we have made reflects that, no matter what it is.

If you breastfed your child, kudos to you. If you have stories to share, please leave them in the comments. At the least, I’d like to know how long you did (or intend to) breastfeed. For formula moms: please also leave a note in the comments about the main reason why you chose formula if you feel comfortable. Be confident in your decision and the knowledge that you will not be judged here!