Cute things Jacob says, part 7

The hits just keep on coming…

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, but this boy says way too many funny things for me to write down. I try, and I capture some of them, but there are too many. I think I won’t ever forget, but the next funny line comes along and I do. Life is cruel that way. My smart, sweet boy keeps me on my toes. Some of these phrases are from six months ago, and he would correct me if he heard me say them now. 

Lomp ster (lobster)

Squit (squid)

Knock knock joke:

So Jacob kept asking me to teach him jokes. I tried some knock-knock jokes on him, but he truly doesn’t understand why they are funny. He doesn’t “get” the formula of a successful joke. So he will pick anything that comes to mind as the “knocker” and he uses the same punchline that never makes sense. One of the jokes I told him was “knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Lettuce” “lettuce who?” “Lettuce in, it’s cold outside!” Jacob now thinks that this is funny, but he doesn’t understand why it is funny. So his average joke goes like this: “knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Banana!” “Banana who?” “Let me in, it’s cold outside!” And then he laughs hysterically. 

“Oh man, I miss the old days.”

“I’m happy like crazy!”

“The fireworks were so awesome they could kill my heart.”

“Sirrrissly I’m not kiddeen!”

“My bootie is scratchy.”

“The baby achooed!”

“Ah silly Jacob!”

“Hi. I’m Jacob. I’m free and a half and I’m nice and I know a lot of stuff.”

“I’m gonna go slimming to afragando!” (Swimming, to…??)

“All you need is…pancakes.” (Sung to the tune of “All You Need is Love” but with a little pause as he decided what word to use.)

He told me the following about someone in his class:

“Her body doesn’t make that stuff other than blood.”

“Insulin? Does she have diabetes?”

“Yeah her body doesn’t make daddy beeties. She has a pump in her skin that has a tube to give her daddy beeties.”

And this insight as we passed a small corn field:

“Some farmers have fields of weed.”

“Weeds?” I asked, optimistically. 

“No, weed. Like the stuff that makes the bread I don’t like.”


“Yes. And the big cutter machine comes and takes the crumbly parts off and that’s what makes bread.” 

“Those chips will make my tongue so happy. My tongue will actually hug the chip. And they will hug each other and they will marry. And the chip will buy a ring for my tongue!”

“I am a superbillian!”

“I have the bless-yous today. I must be sick.”

“I…am…so…FRUSTRATING!” (He meant frustrated, which made this very funny). 

“You know the place where humans can go and visit the Easter Bunny? It’s not where he lives but it’s a place where people can play. Remember?!?!” (It turns out, this was Irvine Park.)

“Human bean” as in, I don’t have fur, I’m a human bean! Human beans do not have fur!

“I love you as much as 109 watermelons!”

“When I grow up, I’m going to be a scientist of rainbow seeds.”

“When I’m bigger I’m going to marry you. Jackson will marry us to each other. But we need rings first.”

And the things I hear most often:

“Can you get me something to eat?”


“Aaaactuually…” (Sounds like ‘act-chew-wee’)

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