I have been neglecting to publish this awesome list! In fact, I haven’t published it since the end of 2015. I have quite a few, so I’m going to share some that he said in the end of 2015 and all of 2016, and save the recent ones for a new post…

2015 (Jacob is about to, or has just turned 4):

Balluminim (it’s what cans are made of)

Bath-tized (baptized)

“It’s an expression, mommy!”

Octomis crime (also known as Octomus Prime, of the transformers). 

When he says “drawer” it rhymes with squirrel. Dwirrel?

Wadical!

The college story: One day I told jacob about college, thinking I would inspire him to greatness. It backfired. When I told him that he would leave home and move to a school and live there, he was terrified. He actually started to cry and begged me not to send him to college. Later he asked me to please tell Mrs. Del (his teacher) not to give him good enough grades for college. 

“I love you 10906 watermelons and cherries!”

“I’m just sending emails to Jesus” he said, pretending to tap away at a keyboard. 

“Back in the old days…”

“When I sniff in I’m giving the boogers another chance to be in my body.” (Ew).

“What taste butts taste a flamingo?” (We were talking about the different areas of taste buds on your tongue that taste different things, like salty, sweet, etc. I’m not sure why a flamingo was in his question. 

My ears are cold I wish I had some ear muffins 

2016: Jacob is four

Ice carrots (icicles)

“I could fall asleep on soy sauce and rice.”

“The sushi place knows my favorite recipe. It’s soy sauce and rice.”

“If that balloon has floatium it will fly away.”

“We just need to get some relaxion time and mix in some swinging…”

“Grandma Violet is in heaven and she’s telling Koko all about Jackson and he is licking her.” (I hope so!)

“You know what’s great about hiking? You can toot and it doesn’t fill your whole house. I just tooted two times! I wonder if Tatum could smell my toots at her house.”
“That’s a horse drinker.” 

“A trough?” 

“Yeah!”

“You want to swim in it?” 

“No way! Horses put their beaks in there!”
Josh: “OT is crazy!” 

Jacob: he is crazy. I guess I’ll invite him to my crazy birthday party. 
“Grandma Violet is in heaven with Jesus and Koko making roller coasters. And when more people die, they just keep making the roller coaster bigger and bigger.”

“Bop is too funny. I couldn’t even live with him.” 

“Ooohh warm chip!” He says, as he snuggles against me to stay warm. 

“Dolla bills y’all!” (Why?)

Cow-oh-tee is a coyote

Crimary colors (you know: red, yellow, and blue)

“An apple a year keeps the dentist away!”

Mudders Day

“A barrel and a bushel and a hug around the neck and I’m talkin’ in mine sleep it’s about you! It’s about you!” (He sang this to me)

Key-weed (kiwi)

“I’m not just smart; I’m beautiful too.”

“You know what a real dad is? Someone who doesn’t abadon his kids.” (What the heck?!)

“Jesus has the steering wheels of our lifes.”

“It’s gonna be moony at that place.” (Now why isn’t this a thing? Like, it’s very sunny today, and it’s going to be really moony tonight?)

“Guess what. I bet daddy could lift all the ocean water with one pinky if it was in a Tupperware.”

“I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. There are endless possibilities. But I do know that I want to make the world a better place.”

“So let me get this straight: if you are gonna take over the world you’re going to get a bunch of babies because babies are small and you can get lots of them and they saw a naked baby army and nobody wants to hurt babies because they’re cute.”
“Someday I will fall in love and marry. I have a lot of options. Mommy, daddy, Chloe, Charlotte…”
“I just wanna talk. I know so much that i want to tell you all the things I know. Did you know that when water goes down the drains in the street it goes to the ocean? When the sun goes down does God put out the fire so it’s only the moon? If you surf to the other side of the earth by surfing on the ocean, you’ll see the sun.”
“Do you know where we have any of those little squares of the big big towels that are fuzzy?” (Washcloths)
Sophie — taking a Sophie (selfie)
“Will I go to this school next year?”

“No, you’ll be at a new school.”

“What–college?” (I told you he is worried about it!)
“One thing about teddy that you may not know is that…

…he snores.” (Teddy the ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ is one of Jacob’s two mandatory stuffed animals for bedtime. 
Fake phone call:  “No! No way! I don’t want any chicken in my cake. Are you the cake guy? No? Okay hold on. Hello? Are you the cake guy? Okay good. I don’t want a chicken in my cake, but I would like an apple in it, and Apple frosting, and some chocolate.” 

“I know how I got this scratch on my face. From the stroller umbrella. You need to take that umbrella off because it is evil!”

Key-weed (kiwi)

(Going to look at a John Deere tractor) “I want to look at that thing and see how much horsepower it has. (Runs back) mommy! That thing has deer power!”

“Remember when we hanged out this morning? That was cool.”

Yes, yes it was. 🙂