I have a lot of things to write about, and I’ve been so excited to share the adventures of the last few days with you all, but taking care of our little guy has kept me really busy. Unfortunately, I’m writing tonight from the NICU at Children’s Hospital (CHOC). Jacob has an excess of bilirubin (newborn jaundice) and that, combined with weight loss, has gotten him admitted for treatment. I can’t pick him up or feed him because his status is serious enough that he can’t be removed from under the special lights. I’m staying overnight so I can pump and they can feed him my milk through a bottle. It’s very sad and hard…to have him for only three days and then be confronted with this physical separation is painful…I actually physically feel pain not to hold him. There are strong hormonal and emotional drivers telling me to pick him up…and I know he is struggling, having spent his days on earth almost constantly in someone’s arms. The past few nights I’ve gotten little sleep, and I’m sure tonight will be the same, but I didn’t mind staying awake holding him and loving him…this is a special form of torture.
I left to say goodbye to Josh and when I came back my poor baby (with his eyes covered to keep them safe from the lights) heard me talking to him and freaked out like I’ve never seen; arching his back, kicking and screaming like crazy. I’m going to be quiet from now on although it kills me that he might think I’m not here. He wants to be held so badly.
It’s also frustrating to be in a hospital again; it’s uncomfortable (much much more so in NICU than a labor or recovery room!) and scary. I just want my home! And I want my baby back.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers, please. I just want to take him home.
Here’s a picture of my little man:
He’s so sweet an precious and I love him so much. This is so hard…
Josh and Korey 
That was so painful to read!! My heart is breaking! It’s not the same, but I miss him terribly! I can’t wait to have him constantly in our arms again! Hopefully that will happen very soon! Lots of love to you both! This too shall pass!!
Korey, I am so, so sorry you have to go through this! I can’t even imagine not being able to pick up my baby. I know it is very sad and very, very tramatic to see your new, innocent bundle of love in the hospital, needing this care. I know it is by far the hardest thing you have probably ever had to indure! I am thinking of you, Jake & Josh all the time. & I hope this experience is over soon, so you can take him back home and hold him in your arms! You are such a wonderful mom, and Jake is lucky to have you and Josh as his loving parents.
Hurry and get better Jake!!!
I love you,
Aunt Kelly
Korey, I am so, so sorry you have to go through this. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be for you. Seeing your tiny bundle of love in the hospital for treatment. This is by far the hardest thing you have ever had to endure. You are a wonderful mother, & Jake it so lucky to have you and Josh as parents!!
Hurry home Jake!!!!
Lots of love,
Aunt Kelly
Korey – 1st off congratulations! I am a few days behind in reading this but your story is so similar to ours. Nick was admitted 6 days after he was born for bili and lights. We had him home and didn’t realize he wasn’t eating enough because he was so sleepy (jaundice) and that put us in the hospital. He lost over a pound in that 1st week too. I remember the same thing happening to me my baby screaming under the lights and me having a breakdown because I couldn’t pick him up to comfort him. Then all the pumping and pumping. Stick to that! I had to pump for 4 weeks exclusively but after about 7 weeks Nick was a nursing champ and we kept with it for 12mo and 3 weeks before he weened himself. Best of luck and Merry Christmas!