Three years later

Three years ago today, Josh and I were at the river. Then he disappeared, and the next few hours would be some of my worst. 

Part I
Part II

Over time, the raw spot that was aching after this accident has begun to heal. It is a small spot now. I no longer wonder about the “how” part (how did it happen?); I have evolved, but I still question “why”? I know it’s common for people, after a tragedy, to ask why this terrible thing happened to them. That is not what I am asking. I ask why this wonderful miracle happened to us. Why are we so lucky? Why was he saved? I struggle with the feelings of deservedness. Do I deserve this beautiful life I live? What makes me deserving of it, while others are not? 

I know it is not my job to know, but knowing has always brought me such comfort. I like to know everything I can, about…anything. A lifetime of pushing this around in my mind could be miserable, so I am trying to focus on feelings of gratefulness and letting those feelings flood out any others.

I

am

grateful.

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One Response to Three years later

  1. Kim Ward says:

    Our families are also grateful!! Jeff said at the time “God has another purpose for Josh, and i hope that its that he will be the father of our grandchild!”
    From his lips to Gods ear….

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