A loss

I find myself at a loss, in a loss.

My amazing grandmother passed away on Sunday night. I have been so busy trying to get ready to fly to Detroit for the funeral that I haven’t had much time to process this. All I have thought so far is that I wish I had called more, asked more questions, remembered more. No matter what, I know I would want more time. It’s the cliche’ thing everyone says when they experience a loss: I wish I could say goodbye.

For now, I have memories, and I am grateful for them. We had recently talked, and had a great conversation. I will carry with me the things she said: that she was proud of me, that I am a good mother, that she misses me, and also that she feels she’s missed out on so much. And that’s the part that hurts. It’s hard being halfway across the country. We used to write, I would try to send pictures when I thought of it, but it’s not the same. I’m so grateful that I took Jacob to meet her last year. I just wish I had gone 50 more times and seen her.

The lesson to you, of course, is one you know all too well. Hug them. Tell them how you feel. Live each moment like it could be your last, or theirs. Enjoy more. Worry less. Life is too short. While we know that the natural path of life brings us loss, it’s not any easier with time. Nothing truly prepares you to lose someone you love.

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