I have been attending Grief Share and was encouraged to write a grief letter so that people who care about me will know how I am doing, what to expect from me, and how to help. I am going to post it here because I think it will clarify a lot, including why I haven’t been on Facebook much. Thank you for taking the time to read it if you do. ❤️Dear friend,
In February I suffered a great loss. I miss my brother every day, and I am struggling to accept his death and my feelings about it. Our relationship had gotten complicated, but i always had hope that one day we would have a very close relationship and enjoy a friendship again. As I struggle with not only my loss but also his disease and the way it affected so many of us, I may be distant or short-tempered. I am often jealous of the intact, happy families I see on social media, so I have been avoiding facebook for the most part. I can only rarely think about and deal with these feelings because I want to be calm and positive around my children. Do not feel as though you shouldn’t speak his name to me; I do want to talk about Riley and his death because it helps me to process and believe it. Please do not withdraw from me or leave me alone. I do actually find “I am at a loss for words”-type comments helpful. What doesn’t help are platitudes like “you should be grateful to have had him in your life at all” or “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” Those statements are probably true, but not at all comforting.
Please be patient with me as I muddle through this long process of grief. My mind is always racing. I am distracted. overwhelmed, and exhausted. I can use your understanding at this difficult time, if I am short-tempered or seem lost in space. Please forgive me for forgetting dates or conversations. Understand that I love you and want the best for you, but I may be distant and not seem very excited about things; It’s hard for me to watch the world continue on while mine has stopped. That doesn’t mean I am not thrilled for your good news and happiness.
I know that some of you reading this want to know how you can help, and I have an answer: please pray for me. Pray that I will draw closer to God and find deep, inner peace. Pray for me to experience a strength I have never before had. Pray that I’ll have the assurance that I am never alone. Please pray for my parents, my husband, and my children. Pray for us to find God’s comfort somehow. Thank you for your love and care.
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